Good-Enough Mother by René Syler & Karen Moline

Author:René Syler & Karen Moline
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Published: 2007-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

15

tough enough

WHEN CASEY AND COLE WERE STILL LITTLE AND we lived in Dallas, I was out driving with them one day when I noticed two African-American ladies walking down the street, and I casually waved to them.

“Do you know who those ladies are?” Casey asked.

“No, I was just waving to be nice,” I told her. “There aren’t a whole lot of black people around here, so I waved to acknowledge them and make them feel safe.”

“Mom, they weren’t black,” said Cole, ever the literal little boy. “They were brown.”

“Yes, I know, but ‘black’ is what you call people who are our color—black or African American.”

“Well, what do you call white people?” Casey asked.

“Caucasian or Anglo,” I replied.

“How about peach?” she mused.

What a world it would be if we all saw ourselves and everyone else as peach and chocolate and caramel, right?

My mom has told me that when I was younger I asked her if we were going to stay this color, because I grew up in a neighborhood that was predominantly white. In fact, my sister and I were usually the only black kids in our entire grade school. That demographic didn’t change much as I grew up. The only black guy in my high school asked me to homecoming. I thought he was a bit of a jerk, and I knew the feeling was mutual, but we pretended we liked each other so we could go to the dance together. In those days interracial dating was just not something that was going to happen in our neck of the woods.

Although times have changed and interracial dating is more common, Casey and Cole are in a similar situation to mine, as there are few people of color in their school. Many of my friends and acquaintances have questioned why we moved to a small suburban town when we could have made the decision to live in the racially diverse New York City. I chose Picketfenceville not only because it has great schools but also because it felt like home to me. I’m not a big-city girl. I like having a house and a lawn and a backyard for the kids to play in, and in which the dog can chew up my shoes.

So far I don’t regret moving there. I feel like my kids have a strong sense of identity based on who we are, and who our family and extended family is. For me, that’s who should teach them about their identity—not anyone else. I don’t yet feel the need to make a decision based solely on race and move so that my kids can go to a more diverse high school. In fact, that might be more detrimental because their friends are all here, and Casey and Cole are comfortable in their environment. What I will impress upon them is that they can teach people—those who would not normally be exposed to people of a different race—about our values and beliefs.

But that doesn’t mean I keep my head in the sand.

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